EU3 AAR

Subject: EU3 AAR Sat 10 Sep 2011 - 2:59

England AAR - Death and Taxes Mod

Alright, I really don't have a goal as most of these things do, I just want to conquer and colonize shit with my mediocre skills. Now to get started.

As always with England, the first mission is to recover Normandy from France, I say fuck that. France is ridiculous to deal with at this point, and I'm safer on my British Isles with a navy that no one can compete with. That, and Scotland will perform surprise buttsex in the middle of the war to rape me. Of course I'm not going to let that happen, so I'll be mauling Scotland. Let's do this.

At the beginning of the game the player is given the choice to move one slider, I always go for quality first because England is awesome. Few days after that, what happens? France declares war, like always. https://2img.net/h/i95.photobucket.com/albums/l157/Mizax/AAR/EU3_2.jpg

But wait, that's not all! Call now, and we'll give you an order of Scotland, free with your France purchase!
https://2img.net/h/i95.photobucket.com/albums/l157/Mizax/AAR/EU3_3.jpg

Now, since I prefer crushing silly peasants with giant armies of awesome, here's a picture of the Royal Army which will be mercilessly inserting themselves into the anus of Scotland. After that I can whimper while France takes away my continental land. https://2img.net/h/i95.photobucket.com/albums/l157/Mizax/AAR/EU3_4.jpg

So, few months later still wrestling with Scotland to subjugate him, while Auvergne snuck Meath, a province of mine on Ireland. Not wanting to leave the Scottish theater, I just recruited the help of one of the local countries. https://2img.net/h/i95.photobucket.com/albums/l157/Mizax/AAR/EU3_5.jpg

Moving on. Thursday 1, July 1405, the day that I completely occupied all of Scotland's land. (A keen observer will notice Portugal had seiged a ton of it first. Oh well, I'm war leader, so I get all the land. 8D) Now all I have to do is wrestle with France for awhile to see if I can't subjugate him. Despite previous claims I don't want to lose my foothold in Europe, and driving up his war exhaustion is the only way for me to go. https://2img.net/h/i95.photobucket.com/albums/l157/Mizax/AAR/EU3_6.jpg
And so I began the building of the great army that would invade France, with King Henry IV of Lancock to lead them. (He sucks btw.)

Even though the army was awesome, I realized my mistake when I moved into France and was repelled by an army ten regiments less. My generals were great at sucking dick, but not so good at actually commanding the dick they suck. So... I just white peaced out of that war. There is no way at the present time that I could take on France and all of her vassals, since my only vassals are Wales, and Scotland. Sometime in the future maybe, when I have more allies as well, but not now. Next time, I eat Irish Children.

Subject: Re: EU3 AAR Sat 10 Sep 2011 - 20:32

Tyler informed me that my AAR sucked dick, so I decided to switch it up and change it to a new style.

"A sad fate as befallen England. France has once more reared her ugly head and attempts to take land which is rightfully ours by force. This cannot stand, and I, Earl of Warwick, leader of England's Royal Army, shall see to it that they are punished for their actions." - Earl of Warwick, January 22, 1414

It was no surprise that the reigns of the defensive campaign of France were handed over, as many already knew that their King, Henry IV of Lancaster, was incompetent in just about all fields. His son was more than capable of heading the throne of England, but it seems that their country was cursed with a terrible King. And so, the war began. (Seems I forgot to snap a picture.)

Just as the war is getting underway, a messenger arrived at the palace, telling news of a great many aggressions on England's territories. The country of Burgundy greedily declared for for the 'reconquest' of the British province of Calais, and the inept Irish are aggressing out of pure greed for land. Despite being a genius, the Earl of Warwick was unable to fight on so many fronts against so many enemies, and resolved to hold back and first conquer the Irish theater. None could get past the Royal Navy, so he was sure that his plan was secure.

Four short years later all of the wars ended, each a much smaller scale than the last. England and her people breathed a sigh of relief, and the Earl of Warwick was praised as a hero for his defensive actions, destroying the will of England's enemies. Every war had come to a white peace, except for that of France, and that of Leinster. The unavoidable happened, where England had to give up two of her British provinces to preserve the well-being of her people. However, quite the opposite happened in Ireland. Due to their arrogance and aggression, King Henry IV of Lancaster saw fit to annex and country and assimilate it. It was the only smart decision that he had ever made during his reign.

On the day that King Henry IV of Lancaster died, the bells chimed as if it were a wedding. The incompetent king was dead, and his place, his more capable son! If only the time had arrived sooner, than the now already aging man could have lead them to victories in the war against France. There is talk though that even after the new king has passed, that his son will live up to the military legacy of his father. https://2img.net/h/i95.photobucket.com/albums/l157/Mizax/AAR/EU3_10.jpg

Long days of peace were enjoyed under the reign of King Henry V of Lancaster. Although he was more apt for a military role, he was competent in diplomatic and administrative matters, a godsend compared to the previous King of England. Today it seemed that his military skills would be tried against an old enemy of the country: France. https://2img.net/h/i95.photobucket.com/albums/l157/Mizax/AAR/EU3_11.jpg Although reluctant, England immediately mobilized for war.

Mustering up their arms everyone thought it would just be another conflict that would end in white peace. That may be true, but there was another player in this war, a country that vied for power within the Holy Roman Empire: Austria. https://2img.net/h/i95.photobucket.com/albums/l157/Mizax/AAR/EU3_12.jpg

(Picture of the first battle.) https://2img.net/h/i95.photobucket.com/albums/l157/Mizax/AAR/EU3_13.jpg
France did not like England, so too, did many other mainland countries. Soon after the declaration of war Burgundy followed suit for exactly the same province, bringing with them the great Iberian country of Castille. Overwhelmed, the army of England was forced to withdraw back to the British isles once more, fighting a defense war against all of it's aggressive neighbors. Within the year each nation regretted the decision to invade England, as the mighty Royal Navy obliterated all who dared cross its waters.

All of that was for naught due to a slow response. Castille, and Munster had holds on British provinces, the former even boldly moving onto the larger island. https://2img.net/h/i95.photobucket.com/albums/l157/Mizax/AAR/EU3_14.jpg

Unable to defend itself after the army had been destroyed before making it back home, England was demoralized. While England had both the best troops, and Navy in the world, it lacked the manpower required to nurture a strong land army, leaving it weak to the monstrous French. English pride had gotten the best of them, and it was decided in that year that England would no more meddle in the affairs of the mainland.

In one of England's most amazing defensive war, they successfully fought off each country, seeking out and destroying their fleets through sheer will and discipline, even putting Castille into submission as they took a white peace to leave the war. All that remains are the scars of occupation left on the country after the long fighting. Blood is all the country ever sees it seems. At the dawn of the year 1433, Burgundy finally becomes tired of fighting and proposes a white peace, knowing that they cannot defeat England, only push back. The only thing gained in the war was complete dominance over the Irish people.

The victories of England, despite being pushed off the mainland, are all attributed to the leadership of Henry V of Lancaster, a man of sound military mind to kept invaders at bay even when he was outnumbered. Thanks to him, England still stands.

Despite all of his efforts though, discontent with the man was everywhere, and the King was slain by his own heir, who in turn took the throne, and pioneered in a new direction. A direction of discovery.
https://2img.net/h/i95.photobucket.com/albums/l157/Mizax/AAR/EU3_16.jpg

So, here's a picture of the world.
https://2img.net/h/i95.photobucket.com/albums/l157/Mizax/AAR/EU3_MAP_ENG_1437619_1.jpg

Subject: Re: EU3 AAR Mon 12 Sep 2011 - 17:07

Although the first post was not that great, I did think that it was quite funny, lol.

Subject: Re: EU3 AAR Mon 12 Sep 2011 - 18:25

Yeah, I don't think anyone's interested in me RPing shit, so after my next one I'll just be a tard again.

Subject: Re: EU3 AAR Mon 12 Sep 2011 - 19:16

Quite. Only do for srs AARs on actual paradox forums, I forgot to say that, lol. Also, you should get on skype.